Apartment hunting is the worst

5:39:00 PM

If I had to choose, I'd rather my cheating ex be my OB/GYN than have to spend one more second looking for an apartment. Now, you might think this is a little dramatic, but if you've ever lived in the NJ/NYC area — or any big city for that matter — and are so far down on the salary totem pole that you're actually the part inserted in the dirt, then you know my plight.

It's not even that I'm picky, I don't need much. If it has a working oven and a shower that drains then it's already leaps and bounds better than my current residency. Bakers feel my pain. I can't even remember what brownies smell like. But I can't bare the thought of spending half my salary a year on a glorified "Man Cave" in someone's mildewy basement. It still boggles my mind how living under someone's house like Sloth is even legal — I don't even get a damn Baby Ruth as compensation for keeping the rats at bay.

It's almost become a joke, a less and less funny one at that, at how many times I read a description and it's littered with the keywords: cozy, quaint, state-of-the-art appliances, steps away from transportation to NYC!

I want to know who lies more: landlords writing these fluffed up descriptions or the person you met off of OKCupid because their profile was just that perfect.

As someone who wholeheartedly believes that shelter is a basic human right, the audacity to have rent so astronomically high you have to literally think about which day you're going to go without food pains my soul. On that note, can you believe application fees are around $200? Am I applying for college again?!

I've come to the point in my life where I've reached my roommate tolerance level. For those ever so fortunate to never have lived with them, screw you. I know it's a necessary thing to have in this area, but I'm SO over the stacks of dirty dishes, the noises at ungodly hours and the sheer disrespect for the people you live with. Unfortunately, my sad, sad paychecks keep me from having the freedom of living alone. If only I could find a roommate soulmate. 

Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not looking for my own "updated and quaint studio." My max rent price is almost laughable for the area of New Jersey that I live in. When the median salary is over $70,000 a household, there are not very many options I can afford — three, there are three whole places in my price range in the area(s) I'm looking in.

But I will carry on in my hopes of finding a hidden gem that I can call my own.

If you have an apartment hunting horror story I'd love to hear about it in the comments! 

Mine was looking at an apartment and while the girl was telling me it was a safe neighborhood, her boyfriend was casually trying to hide their portable bottle of mace. Two months later, I found out the store they lived above was robbed. Nice.

Image: unsplash (1)

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